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Anxious Kid : Scared Mommy

Most people don’t know my son and I in real life.

Meaning, most people don't know our struggles as a familial team.

If you follow me or my son on social media you see us living a pretty dope life of traveling and fun.

And while that is our life together we also have a shared worldly problem: SCHOOL!

Things have been increasingly difficult since he has been enrolled in formal school over the past 4 years.

He’s in 3rd grade now so that means the school setting has been a rough spot since Pre-K.

We struggle every single day with one thing or another and let me tell you -

I AM VERY IMPERFECT as a mother dealing with him, his humongous personality and his diagnoses all together...

I just love on him as best I can...

I pray to God and everybody else that loving on him means a damn.

Even when I’m frustrated...

I aim for love.

Those are the normal days.


B U T T O D A Y.

Today was scary.

I wasn't even almost prepared for what happened.

Watching my baby's skin change color as he gasped for air in the midst of an anxiety attack.

In case you flew past the 3rd grade part - he's all of E I G H T years old.

Watching him cry out of fear and bang on his chest while not comprehending any of the calming words I was saying...

It was a lot, to say the least.

Today was terrifying for both mommy and child.

As a social work major, yoga instructor and lifestyle coach who practices mindfulness and meditation...

None of the tools or training I’ve spent years honing could calm my baby as he feared not being able to take his next breath.

There was nothing I could do for him to bring him back to the very warm and safe home he was in.

No one prepares you for this; the off chance that you'll end up with the mini adult who has anxiety.

No moment will ever measure close to the powerlessness I felt in that moment.

Not being able to help my baby breathe is the stuff nightmares are made of.


As you guys know, I’ve been in the process of writing books for, inspired by and ABOUT my son for the past few months between working 7 nights a week and maintaining my blog.

I’m being patient with myself and the intent of these books.

More than that, these books are about his struggles and adversaries as being such a little guy with such B I G emotions in a world that simply sees him as a curly-headed cute active brown boy.

I have been working on putting together a series of books (for kids) that highlight a problem and uses mindfulness, meditation and yoga practices to solve them.

My hope for the series WAS to immortalize my love for my son in a way that he knew, as he grows, that his mommy will forever do whatever it takes for him to have a good life... Despite anything that comes.

Today, talking to other mommies on my post and in my inbox, I realize this can in no way shape or form be JUST for or about the love I have for my son.

We are going through it, collectively.

So to all the mommies and daddies with little ones on ((A)) spectrum of any kind or just trying to get them through having and accepting their not-so-normal but normal B I G emotions...

From one parent to another; WE GOT THIS...

One day, Two hugs and Three kisses at a time️.

MommaDuke and PookaDuke Approved Post.

Po'Girl Out ✌🏽

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