As My Time Comes To An End

So here we are.

Almost to the end of the road on our Philadelphia grounding trip.

We've been here since September 28th, 2020 and we are readyyy to go...

Exactly 2 weeks until we start our summer vacation.

And I am counting the days...

Location

I wish the east coast did something for me.

It just doesn’t.

The energy on this side is simply...

Underwhelming.

But as uninspiring as the geography is…

While I was (trying to) building a life here I was thinking to get a summer house in NJ.

Somewhere to act as a anchor or base to come back to when I needed to feel safe and wrapped up in love.

It's unfortunate to be speaking in past tense about something I wanted.

Its was a nice image.

Surgery

So the surgery hasn’t happened yet.

Weight Loss. Thyroid.

Also, the environment has an effect on me that I can't put into words.

For that reason I have decided to travel for the summer just to get away from the stagnation of not wanting to be here.

I work better when I want to be outside.

Parenting

My son was super anxious about catching COVID so he was a hermit the whole time we were here.

Game. Food. Youtube. Anime. REPEAT.

I only remember him going outside for doctors appointments٫ to play in the snow once and to go to the park a handful of times.

I hate that that’s the only activity he has had but I wont complain because I wasn’t present enough (while battling depression) nor did I have enough energy to give to going outside my damn self.

Things were really different for us this year all around.

Virtual learning was a doosie....

Honestly, it left a lot of room for laziness.

So here we are with 1 days left of school...

My son tells me now that he wishes he would have gone in person for the last month.🙄

Now I'm trying to reach a compromise for next year since we will be home/world schooling.

Relationships | Dating

I wish I would have had the time, energy or desire.

My plate was kind of full from how the move started.

I didn’t do much while I was here outside of work.

There was literally no time and no energy.

I got maybe 2 phone numbers but it was super obvious what they wanted.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

All but one.

I met my ’work-boyfriend’ during my second week at the warehouse.

Super random.

You know when you meet someone at the perfect time.

In the moment you don’t know why but events occur and you realize no one else could have been 'that' for you or gone through 'that' with you.

That's what it was.

I saved his life during a great loss (sounds dramatic but he was drowning).

Then he turned around and saved mine.

At the same time, it was more than just support.

We became reliant on each other.

We became each other’s person; the one you can tell it all to without judgment.

With leaving, I‘ll miss that more than anything.

Him.

My one good memory about this place.

Before anything else.

My friend.

No Regrets

I have been super open about my situational /locational depression since December.

It had me in the house trapped; like couldn’t get out the house to go to work trapped.

Couldn’t get up to cook or clean trapped, you ever been there before?

Had it not been for work boyfriend picking me up everyday I wouldn’t have had a job.

It was so bad! 😞

I am forever and eternally grateful for the kindness and care shown to me.

It's a feeling I hope to never lose gasp of; knowing someone cares for me that much.

So much so they inconvenience their whole life to make sure yours doesn't fall apart during a difficult time.

Having someone near who will do whatever to make sure your child doesn’t feel it your personal struggle.

I pray I feel a love like that once or twice more in my lifetime.

And if /when I do, it's for me to hold onto.

Until then, I suppose I pack my house up and be grateful I got to experience life and love while in my own personal hell.

I can't help but feel a little unfulfilled or maybe disappointed.

Nevertheless, No Regrets.

Cheers to making it through...

And to a summer of fun, exploration and adventure.

May the next grounding state deliver more joy.

Until Next Time,

Po'Girl Out ✌🏿