Finally a Good Mom
My son congratulated me on finally being a good mom for the day.
How crazy is that?
To my knowledge, I was a good mom just about everyday.
I mean, I had my moments like all parents do but I'm a good mom.
That's a fact I could bet my life on.
So what the hell was he talking about?
FINALLY. BEING. A. GOOD. MOM. FOR. THE. DAY
To give a little context;
I didn't want to watch him play Minecraft for the millionth time.
So when he asked...
I said 'later' as in 'when I get done working'.
But instead of there being a later, I kept myself busy with my work all day.
Outside of meal times - I stayed in the room.
Between the two of us:
That was one of the most productive work days I've had in a long time!
When I joined him in the living room he said it.
"Congratulations...You're finally being a good mom for the day!"
Shocked is an understatement.
He said it so intentionally.
It's like he'd been wanting to say something all day.
I felt like I was under attack by my own child in my home.
A grenade was launched.
It left me wondering if it's a thing he does;
Tally my good mom days and bad mom days.
All I could say was, "EXCUSE ME?"
He said I hadn't spent time doing anything he wanted to do that day so up until that moment I wasn't being a good mom.
My feelings were a little hurt in the moment.
If I could go back to that day - I bet my face was all attitude and no compassion.
Honestly, it took me a full two full days to process his words.
I was walking around on auto-pilot re-playing the F-Bomb of a pre-pubescent 9 year old as if I just got broken up with by the love of my right now.
My feelings were hurt simply based on a mothers' pride but he was valid in his feelings.
We'd never had a conversation about what it meant to be a good mommy to him.
Making him feel important enough to WANT to spend time in his world is clearly on his list.
Since he was 4 years old we've done check ins:
We sit down every few months and address what he feels he needs from me, what I can be better at in order to help him reach goals, and his over all happiness level with the life I'm providing.
That reflection time is important to me as a mom.
I don't want to rely on 'high tension - build up and release moments' to communicate.
Those parent - child relationships never translate well in adulthood.
At 9 years old he knows I feed him, clothe him, educate him, emotionally support him and overall provide a life for him.
I assure you, he knows these things.
But is that the totality of parenting or are those just the basics from the child perspective?
His needs and wants are met daily but he is still a full human that has desires and expectations.
My son and I have talked about what a father is and isn't but that conversation came from a place of lack; having no real relevance to his day to day life at all..
That convo was a single mothers attempt to get her then 5 year old son, who was yearning for someone he didn't know, to vocalize in his own words that fathers are present versus having to say and pass down what her own feelings about it were.
He told me what a good dad did versus a not so good dad.
At the time, he watched enough father son duo's on Youtube to gather a pretty accurate picture for himself.
As the present parent, I didn't add to his list of unmet expectations;
I simply listened to my baby tell me what he needed and did the things knowing I could NEVER fill the void he felt.
Silly me, I figured because I was present and doing all the things....
I was a good mom!
My double duty list far surpassed the basics but I'm still just a mom.
Anything I do is to be expected.
I believe I am beginning to understand kid logic.
As we come into the new year, I challenge you to sit down and take stock of your in-home relationships;
What do your kids need (outside of the material)?
Where can you be more attentive or pull back?
How will you handle them expressing their emotions about your parenting?
Are you creating a space or environment for them to feel comfortable doing so?
Can you make this check in and evaluation process a part of your in home relationships?
I will always empower my son to speak on things that involve him.
Thankfully he isn't disrespectful in his delivery.
Sarcastic - that's him.
Disrespectful - nah.
This mommy has some work to do.
I invite you to join.
po’girl out ✌🏾