Managing Me - Wellness Check
I got all my THINGS in about 3 weeks ago and have officially started the journey to losing 23 pounds by 3/19.
I started drinking my gallon a day and doing my workouts (cardio) before work - that lasted for all of a week.
I wanted to finish all the leftovers in the fridge so I can start juicing but between the winter storm(s), working 7 nights a week and having no energy to do anything but lay...
It didn't happen!
The plan is to start juicing and eating 1 meal a day this coming week.
Stay tuned to see what will come of this!
Yall, I am so scared to fail at losing these now 20 pounds but I am at a serious loss here.
I am going through some twisted version of seasonal/ locational depression and I can't shake it.
I've been trying to play it off every day like I'm good but deep down I AM MISERABLE.
I truly don't know how people up north wake up every day knowing it's as cold as it is and still do life.
How do you go outside and function?
How do you workout?
Honestly, I work overnight just so I don't have to wake up to the cold.
When I get home at 7 am it's already sunny so for me it's like... ATLEAST THERE IS SUN.
Then I get irritated because; the sun is just up there for fun - heating NOTHING?!
I even planned a popout trip to Florida just to see if their sun is working cuz ours is clearly broken!
I keep trying to tough- love myself into working out but that has not been working.
It sucks because in November I had finally started feeling a little normal since the world went to shit in early 2020.
Between Corona Virus and the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd my head, heart and life had been incessantly HEAVY.
I thought it was all finally getting to a 'we can work through this' point then BOOM...
Here comes December in Philadelphia with the uncomfortable cold.
Then January with freezing temps and snow.
And Feburary of course with you know, WINTER STORMS!?
I am not this person.
Thyroid Induced Depression... Yes. Those Happen With Triggers...
Working out, eating right and committing to plans however are NOT issues of mine.
Nevertheless, here I am.
On Airbnb every day tracking the cheapest places to run away to in an instant.
Trapped between desire and obligation to self.
Contemplating whether or not getting this surgery is even worth going through this much discomfort.
The reality is...
I am not going to leave this place prematurely
I am getting my surgery
I am going to recapture a sense of joy connected to this place
I am not going to give up on myself
I am resilient
I am going to focus on my businesses; even if I have to do it at someone else's business
I am worth this very temporary struggle
I am better than the #audaciouslymiserable life I am pushing through at this moment
What this means is.
I may not be getting the surgery in early April as planned but it is going to happen before I leave the state of Pennsylvania.
I may not be okay right now but because I know the cause/ trigger it means I also know how temporary this moment of sadness is.
Things will be better soon. I know it in my heart.