PolyGirlTalk - My Next Relationship

WELCOME TO MY POLY GIRL WORLD


Let me tell y'all about my next partner.


I want to completely switch it up because there seems to be something missing and I think I may have finally found the right words to describe it.


So first, you know how people always say you'll never find someone to love you the way I love you...


Or on the receiving end of the statement...


I don't ever get the love I give out... I want someone to love me like I love people.


THAT IS A THING!


We all have different ways we express and receive love.


It's important to find out the way your partner(s) receive love before you just go showering them with things that they A. don't want or B. that don't hold weight TO THEM in the way YOU expect it too.



It has to be frustrating for a man to feel like he's giving his all in spoiling his woman but she isn't satisfied with 'something'...


It's the SOMETHING in comparison to 'giving my all' - that is the problem...


When my clients bring me their relationship problems I always ask...


Did you ask if that's what they wanted? Or do you know what they want instead?


It always boils down to communication or more often than not the lack there of!


So BOOM: I just touched on two things already...


Communication and attachment to expectations.


But back to me before I get too Lifestyle Coachy and lose you....


Me: I am a nurturer and a natural born motivator.


Like through and through; to my core; that's who I am.


As my partner, if you tell me your dream or something you're in serious pursuit of - it becomes my goal to help you see it through in any way that I can (respectful to my established boundaries of course).


I am just now realizing after 15 years of dating; that THAT trait is actually my biggest flaw.


My biggest flex but still my biggest flaw!


I found this out through a 10 year on again - off a again relationship with my ex fiancé twice removed. He actually turned who I am into a bad thing and said I hold him too accountable for the things he say; whether its basic talking points, his goals, or aspirations. He wants a cheerleader not a motivator - his actual words! Insert me questioning myself and hoping I'm not coming off too motherly when I love.

Don't get me wrong; I get that in this case it was just the wrong human but this is also the person who can't not be around me because having me near is a breath of fresh air. As in, the air you asking to breathe is the same air you saying it too much... I have a very addicting personality and people are drawn to me mostly because I speak life into them.


That trait is the stuff magic is made of.


It's also the trait that has left me with 100's of attachments but never having been loved properly myself.


Not too much because I am in no way saying I've never felt loved, that the men in my life didn't care for me or that ANY of them were bad. That is not the case.


What I am saying is: I am an asset to peoples lives (whether romantic or not).


Humans are not born with the skills to recognize, cultivate and nurture assets.


We use them until we can't.


Fear of losing something good often times make people do things that may not be the best for the relationship..


When you don't know how long a good thing will be around...


You soak it in as long as its there...


Its a survival thing.


Humans are creatures who just want to survive.


Most times they don't even care about thriving...


And because I understand this... I get it.


Doesn't make it easier. But I get it!


Here's the thing:


Having an asset adds to you; people know that.


*NEWS FLASH*


Nurturing that asset - puts you in a different league.


So let me address ME and where I've dropped the ball...


I have only recently (in the past 2 years) began to vocalize my want to be loved in the way that I love.


So that's 15 years of me just getting whatever while giving life to people and their dreams all because I didn't sit with myself to find out what would nurture me and my love!


I want a motivator.

A listener.

A supporter.

Someone who trusts in their ability to lead and will take the reins.


I WANT ME.

Me in a man!

That's what I want.


You can't tell me I'm reaching too far because I know it exists...


I've seen these men. I've met these men.


I, however, do not attract them UNLESS they're married.


That's just the reality for me.


I feel it's really important to mention here that YOU SHOULD NOT GO REQUESTING THINGS THAT YOU DONT DO FOR YOURSELF ALREADY.


I don't believe in having another person fill your voids.


A superficial example: If you didn't get your hair, nails and feet done before you met that man - it is not now his RESPONSIBLITY to do so for you. If that's how he shows love and you're receptive to that show; that's one thing. But to have him pick up the slack that you never thought to pick up on your own is not okay...


I am my only motivator.

The best listener to me.

My only true supporter outside my daddy.

I wholly trust my ability to lead and will take the reins as long as it is a necessity.


*I'm not looking for anyone to fill any holes, I am whole.


I am whole by my self. I don't want to be by myself tho.*


There are a lot of transitions going on in my life right now so its only natural that my dating life transitions too.


As you guys know I am a certified yoga instructor, a doula and life coach.


Here I go having to one up myself....


I am in school now becoming a fitness coach (personal trainer) and a meditation coach.


I am on a different plane right now as I build my businesses and rebuild my health.


I want someone in my life who isn't nervous, intimidated or scared to say, 'get off your ass or you'll be in the same place tomorrow!'


Instead I have people who say 'you look good babe, its okay.'


While that is great and sweet even... I no longer want to settle for just sweet.


I want someone in my life who sees value in me, my goals, and my dreams...


The way I see value in them and theirs.


That is a true desire of mine at this stage in my life.


It is not a tall ask.


So insert the tricky part right?


I am a polyamorous woman.


I have views on monogamy but that's my business .


Living a poly lifestyle has opened my mind and stopped so much limited thinking I didn't know I had.


It has allowed me to get everything I truly want and deserve without feeling like I am pressuring someone to be something they aren't or do something they don't want to...


The only men in my life are the men who specifically sign up to be here.


This is for another post but the question will get asked so here is the answer in advance:


No two men in my life do the same thing.


No lines are being crossed.


Nobody stepping on nobody toes.


Jealously is a human trait so if that human has that trait that's their business...


But in terms of roles played - no one has to be jealous.


Apples and Oranges.


The caring/ lover boy boyfriend is not the savage boyfriend.


I will not find glocks n brunch so I have brunch one day and go shoot the next.


It works better for me that way then selfishly assuming I will find it all in one human.


I'm not that person; I don't live in fairytale land.

 

With everything I've said already; I am sure there is a man out there.


If you know him; send him my way.


If you are him; my dm's are open.

 

If you have any questions on living a poly lifestyle or mine specifically just hit me up.


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