The Eye of Depression
People think depression is supposed to look A CERTAIN WAY (in order to be valid).
She couldn’t have been depressed; she was so full of life, happy and always with a smile.
She couldn’t have been depressed; she was CROWNED MISS USA - a literal beauty queen.
How hard could life have been for her as one of the few accepted and celebrated black women?
She was a lawyer and model; money wasn’t an issue - how could she have been depressed?
The truth is, a lot of us heard and saw ourselves in her last words and in her fall.
Rest in Paradise Miss USA 2019.
The Truth about Depression
The thing is; depression doesn’t follow logic and rules.
Depression isn’t (only) NOT SMILING or NOT being happy.
Depression isn’t based on or in the lack of gratitude for life.
Depression lies in MOMENTS.
Depression is knowing you’re loved but not being able to make it matter to you because you still feel alone.
Depression is wishing you could be happy about things you know make you happy.
Depression is fighting battles internally that other people can’t see, feel or understand and you can’t translate any of it into words for them.
Depression is feeling like you can’t breathe and not knowing if fighting for the next breath is even worth the pain you feel in your chest.
Depression is wanting everything to stop just so you can catch up or feel comfortable in a space.
Depression is hoping to feel anything that's deemed ‘normal’.
Depression is masking so people are okay in your company because 'how dare you not be okay'.
Depression is a million moments that add up to an overwhelmingly immense amount of pain or numbness.
Depression is not just one thing; it’s everything at any moment.
Sometimes the moments are mere minutes that feel like (or last) days, weeks, even months.
Sometimes the moments last for years and feel like an eternity.
Just to clear it up;
Depression does not EQUAL suicide - but it can lead there...
Depression can lead to a lot of dark places.
Not everybody has the capacity to understand how you can be beautiful, well traveled, living a lifestyle most people would love to live, be grateful for it and STILL be depressed.
While some will never know;
There are other....
Those of us who understand more than the world will ever realize.
It doesn't go away.
Not on its own.
And not right away.
It is a process.
If you or anyone you know if dealing with depression please use the resources below.
If you or anyone you know are struggling with suicidal thoughts please use the resources below.
I am hear to tell you; I have been there.
I am still there in certain moments.
Please reach out
Written by FlowerChild Fibré of PoGirlOdyssey.com